Its about time the women of america have a president they can masturbate to again
I can't believe you blew on her face.
I feel that every long term relationship needs at least one big,load delivered straight between the eyes.
Come here. I'm drunk. Family Function. Intense Pro-life vs. Pro-choice debate. Bring Republicans.
tonight is proof that a xbox 360 will always be more reliable than a girl ever will
and a girl gets the red ring of death every month
i just sent this text using only my big toe
The only thing worse than listening to you two fuck all night was waking up and smelling bacon and there not being any left.
thanks for waiting 12 hours to ask if I was in a ditch or not
If you really wanted to hide the fact you were gay, you could have at least had the sense to not get drunk in the same bar as your bf.
Life is too short to have fake orgasms.
Discovered that a nalgene holds an entire bottle of wine. Going mobile. Come find me.
WE'RE MOVING TO IRELAND!!!! DON'T ASK QUESTIONS JUST BOOK THE DAMN FLIGHT!!!!
I had a dream I got back with Amanda. And then cheated on her the same day. Even my conscious is a dick
I puked in the back of my mom's new car because I had too much to drink at Chilis. I think I just hit rock bottom.
I never thought I'd be judging my neighbors sex lives before age 30 but here we are
I could be writing so much lesbian porn right now but noooooo!
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