There is a banner on a house by campus that says "welcome to college dads. Thanks for dropping off your daughters!"
that knocking you heard last night......that was her head slowly going through the wall
I think her nose is broken... but I think she's just drunk enough to fall for the whole "sex releases endorphins, so it'll feel better" line.
How do you say "I'm not pregnant in Spanish?"
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I had to hold off a girl who was trying to check your pulse while you were passed out. She kept screaming that she was a nursing major and needed to make sure you were alive.
I don't think my prof knows we've noticed her No Bra Fridays.
BTW, it's bullshit to say that not doing a shot is unpatriotic. You know how I fall for that.
TAing a class of 300 froshies and being so hungover I forgot a bra is my way of making dreams come true.
At least he's enough of a gentleman to not make me do the walk of shame dressed as Santa.
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BTW the amount of schmoozing I am doing towards some guy for an ID that may or may not look like you... You better love me.
i'm going as a slutty football player, and all night i'll drunkily whisper "id love to catch your balls." into random strangers ears.
My code for I need help will be if I'm holding a bud light lime..
My "lord keep me from stabbing a bitch" prayer has gotten a lot of miles today
I'm pretty sure the Bible says "He who is most sober may cast the first stone."
I think I'm just going to get a farm, a vibrater, and a lot of wine.
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