I start off june hungover/still drunk stumbling down my driveway with the trashcan at 6am..it's gonna be an interesting month
Who wants to bang the sort of girl you can get with Axe body spray??
hey bro how do you do that fake vagina thing with the tp roll? im bored.
all her text said was "asdfhdaufhudshfuds" and i knew that meant come over
i just uploaded pictures of my nephew, and you & d puking in the same toilet. i think i should keep them in the same album. show my nephew what he has to look forward to.
On my list on ridiculous morning after bus rides home, still sopping wet and carrying a giant straw hat is definitely top five
and do you remember when you were dressing me if i had money in my bra?
But Monday we'll be living in a post-apocalyptic hellscape. Also, I'm going to a champagne tasting.
Your wedding's just one more day in my life I can't wear sweat pants.
I hope you have a dream of a sloth with my face touching you erotically
I also slapped not one but two bananas on the ass, twerked in public, and I think I made out with someone
he's so hot I'd consider breaking the whole, "till death do us part," agreement he's currently in
Sex on the trampoline with your two best friends cheering you on: PRICELESS.
Someone just said “I need to use up this money before I’m tits up under the dirt” so I think I’m going to start using that in my daily vocabulary.
I gave Sophia a glitter bomb for Christmas. And before you ask is because she pooped in my cat litter box and then drank all my liquor and didn't pay me back and refuses to acknowledge that she had any wrongdoing. So she gets to clean up glitter for the next 10 years.
Randomize
