You are still hot in my book. I wanna dry hump u like a 9th grader then hump for real when the herpes is gone.
He slapped my ass and hummed the jello theme song, which was followed by an overly loud "IT'S ALIVE!"
sent the pic of my tit to the wrong bbm chatroom
So, during a 20 minute shower I spent 19 minutes spinning in circles and 1 minute licking the wall, and it was better than sex. I can't wait to do X again.
U shoulda just taken her to a stall and banged her and let me watch the game. Some friend u r.
She took a picture of me when she thought I was sleeping. I don't know whether to be amused or scared.
Dude i don't know we had to beg the bouncer to let us in because you were bleeding everywhere and he saw you run into a dumpster
hot buttered vodka was not a success. on any level.
Nothing too major over here lately. Just had a date with an ex-internet porn star turned lawyer. He said: "at my 3rd burning man I taught a workshop on BDSM" and I knew it was going to be a fun night.
Bought pregnancy tests in bulk off amazon. Kinda feel insulted that it asked if I wanted to subscribe for regular shipments.
Timehop reminded me that 4 years ago today I helped a one armed man do the YMCA by being his other arm.
Well my normal tinder strategy of "Will I have sex with her when I'm sober" has been paying off
Well statistically J has a 1 in 3 chance of hospitalization when downtown
And a 3 for 3 for disapeearing
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
Just told my dad about my heroic mailbox showdown. He looked at me strange. I think he thinks I'm high.
You are high.
Randomize
