Take a Tylenol with a HUGE glass of water before you pass out, you'll thank me in the morning.
i dony have tylonal but i had a snickers and popcorn and a bottle of water and i am.. brushing my teeth!
Now that I'm 21, I feel like I'm letting North Dakota down by not being drunk everyday
Every time she shows up on my newsfeed, I get the taste of tequila in my mouth.
you referred to yourself as the crossing guard because of your neon shirt and began directing bar traffic
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm also 95% sure I had a conversation with someone on how hard it would be to jerk off with out opposable thumbs
The bartender seems to not like the DD's anymore. I'm sad
Yeah, he's passed out in my bathroom pantsless. Is it a faux pas to look at his penis?
True love: he brought me a margarita while I was n the shower. He's a keeper.
I'm finally in my bed, my pants are off, and there's no pee on my carpet this is the best life has been all day
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
Three of my exes and one of my exes' brothers have hit me up and it's only been a week. I hate semester break.
He isn't understanding any of my Fetty Wap references. He may not be a keeper after all.
Fuck it, I work hard. I deserve nice sex toys
Woman doing my Brazilian right now says to tell you she says hi...what has our life come to?
I might be a bit longer... I found a hot guy at the grocery store, so I'm following him and buying stuff that he's buying
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