im surrounded by empty glasses of chocolate milk WTF
well my last 2 orgasms were over shoe sales at macy's. what does that tell you?
she said it was ok for her to take her top off in the hot tub but she didn't take off her bottoms because that would be slutty
just found a sign outside my brothers door "not going to church, don't even try" and he is covered is vomit in his bed.
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There are 9 condoms on my bed either i met the greatest girl ever last night or something horrible has happened.
Uhh, there's a legit bruise on my boob.. Again how does he manage this
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
My autobiography is now tentatively titled "I'm Fucking the DJ, and Other Ways to Party for Cheap"
It was one of those you-have-no-other-way-home-and-we-already-made-out-so-I-guess-youre-coming-home-with-me-if-you-promise-to-leave-early kind of deals.
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He serenaded me a cappella to Ed Sheeran. I wasn't going to leave his dick unsucked.
found a thong and $20 in my right pocket. it's going to be a good day
Holding your hair back while you puked wasn't a choice. I was handcuffed to you.
walk of shame across osu's campus on game day. i can see all the spots i threw up last night. its like my personal yellow brick road.
Found out that I went to the same elementary school as the guy I'm hooking up with. Kosher or no
I dont know. He's too private. After you fuck him find out his secrets.
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