Successful New Year's Eve:: Your first shower of the year is on Jan. 2nd... 'cause you didn't trust yourself to stand up long enough on Jan. 1st. Hello 2010.
She got mad when I told her I'd bone her mom. She got MORE mad when her mom heard, and was flattered by it. Proud to say I attract MILFS.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
part of it is the fact that im problem drinking, and the other part is my OCD wont let me leave the bottle half-empty.
From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute
Using the ceiling fan to slice the hotdogs in mid-air can only be contributed to our liberal use of 1800.
Just saw the stripper pole on the road that we threw out of the party bus last night
I sent her 8 pictures of my dick in a baked potato. Not sure how I thought that would get me laid later.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
What's the proper amount of time to avoid my 76 year old neighbor that caught me with my pants down, peeing in my driveway at 5am?
strip vodka pong is never a good idea. I saw into his colon when he picked up the ball off the floor
I would totes reciprocate the nip pic, but I'm sick with a piece of tissue shoved up one of my nostrils and I'm just not feeling that ambitious. Sorry.
Welp. June's off to a great start. I just ripped my pants, completely sober, at 10:30 p.m.
Just motorboated this 18 year old girl at the bar. The first time was my idea the other 3 she made me. Maybe turning 27 won't be so bad. Haha.
So I justmade it back home and was greeted to a squirrel in my dorm... Last time I let my friends rent it out for a party.
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