I would never have sex with Danny Devito!! JSYK.
every time i send "do you want some cock" to her T9 manages to change it to "anal"...i think she's mad now
how do u look a man in the eye when u own both his daughters V-Cards?
im kinda looking forward to winter break. ive been away from home for so long i think i can trick my vagina into thinking that these arent the same people ive been hooking up with since high school...
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Easy Mac is falling out of my sweatshirt as I'm walking down the street.
since when did our medecine drawer and our sex drawer become the same drawer? we now have lube covered cough drops.
The blackout version of me left a ransom note to the sober self. Somebody needs to control that guy
The cop told you to put your hands behind your back and you slurred "I'm not falling for that again"
She's just done the monthly not prego dance around our kitchen
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Yeah her jello shots are the next closest thing to a lethal injection. That potent.
I'm not gonna get my cat high anymore because what if he has a heart attack. I don't want to be responsible for that shit
I'm so glad I was blacked out while I was going all exorcist in the bathroom. That's so not a memory I want.
I made him laugh his dick is mine
i swear every fucking time i plan a party, one of our "friends" holds their shit in all week just to punch one off into the master bathroom after i pass out. it's almost like that dump you would see in a port a potty.
One lesson I've learned so far from college: You've always got time for one more shot. Always
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