mark looks like s**t tonight! thank da lawd we broke up!
it's mark...i'm guessing you didn't mean to send that to me...
whats up tonight?
Ice cream, wine, and teabags... Not the earl grey kind
$1 pitcher night should be outlawed.
Nothing screams don't date me louder then having your baby as your profile pic
just spent the last 4 hours searching ex-girlfriend porn to make sure there are no photos of me
I love memorial day. It's drinking in the name of patriotism. God Bless America
I woke up to my dog trying to clean my vagina.
You should get a handy in the street again, just to prove you've still got it.
Is there a law against that?
Nope not at all. Just morals. But fuck it, this is college, not real life.
Sorry I missed your call. Have a great morning.
That is a horrible way of saying good morning to someone. You basically reminded me that we did not hook up yesterday. It's bad enough I got to go to work all day with blue balls.
It was awkward at first he now knows I fucked his little brother, they were both there. then the tequila kicked in and everything was fine.
I'm covered in mustard and it looks like I nose dived in to barbed wire ??? Was last night that good?
Oh I was gonna ask you the same thing...? It's official ask anyone to see your husbands dick day.
Went to the lab to print and realized the guy next to me was the one we stole all the beer from last night..... Oops
So woke up naked and found my clothes from last night in my kitchen with a half eaten quesadilla
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