Everytime she opens her mouth it's like a fucking terrorist attack on my life.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
for our anniversary he stepped it up a notch and bought cool whip rather than the store brand. i was impressed.
The only thing I've had to eat today was the half eaten sausage biscuit I found on my chest when I woke up this morning.
I am choosing my outfit based on how fast I can get it off. Please help.
she was passed out on the moving sidewalks in the airport, we NEED to travel more often
I am watching the CFL at a Hooters in Texarakana. I made a poor life choice at some point that led me here.
i am too hungover to go to class can you just call me and put it on speaker phone
It's like split custody, only he's not a kid and they have sex with him.
It smells like someone died in our apartment and ya'll used some random orifice of his body to smoke weed out of. Side note, how did we get a guitar?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
You threw my heel at her from across the street... And hit her in the back of the head so hard she face planted into the street. I need more friends like you.
This is the first time I'm hearing this information.
I rang in the new year by giving a lap dance to a Lutheran minister in a roomful of people including his wife. Jesus would be proud.
I almost put an adult beverage in my sippy cup for the beach but realized the next step would be rehab.
No the next step is being buzzed at the beach. I would've.
I never realized the effects a broken spine would have on my sex life
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