I feel like I just won at life, no connection sex and free 12 pack of beer after. Does life give out trophies, if so I want a big one.
so this carnie looked at me and said "the ride in my pants is funner." i wet myself.
chugging beers on the train. people are staring. I would be offended if it wasn't 8:30
She had me dip my balls in cake batter ice cream from cold stone and then tea bag her. Let's get weird just got a whole new meaning.
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If I die tonight and was cremated, you could probably get high off the smoke.
They have 12 kegs and 40 bottles of liquor and a pool with a diving board. And hardly anyone at this wedding knows me. Should be a great night
Reading old FB posts. Why did I ever stop drinking?
We looked in every room for condoms... It was the sexiest scavenger hunt ever.
Shower sex is an art that should not be attemted drunk
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Was considering going to moonshine but I think I'm just gonna stay home and drink beer because there is no law against partial nudity here.
Last night must have been awesome because I went to get in the shower only to find the bat symbol drawn on my chest
That happened during battle shots lol
I don't know whether to be insulted or flattered that I am being propositioned to have a threesome only if I wear my cat onesie
I just got wasted for $3.50. My life can't get any better.
just drove past - why are you walking towards the shop in your pyjamas?
Can't talk, on a quest for bacon.
All I have in my purse is 10 cents and a plastic ducky.\nI can't explain last night.
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