I told her it just looked small because my balls were gigantic. She bought it.
yeah. then i thought it would be a good idea to show them how hairy my armpits were, so they'd be distracted from the bush in my pants. EPIC FAIL.
i just used google streetview to figure out where i spent the night last night
Wow. 8.8 earthquake hit Chile this morning
didn't feel it. :)
It's like 5 thousand miles away of course you didn't.
wait what? so it's not in america?
I still don't understand how I went from crying to blowing you in like two minutes.
My number one goal in life is to find out who can fill a keg with Popov
I just used cruise control in a 25 zone. When will this hangover end???
Dude. Where are you? I'm making waffles in the waffle iron. It's beautiful.
It's gay pride, I'm in my EMT uniform getting more girls than your straight ass ever will..
Don't laugh, but I might need some advice on how to ride a crooked dick.
well a fat roach just fell out of my hair. so there's that
I did cocaine off my boobs last night. Then I wrote two essays and went on a run. Go me
So... How much of our rent is drug money?
I've sold more douches working here than one man should sell in a lifetime
Ok next time we are filming it. You bring the camera and I'll buy more socks
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