I just got hit by a car. I'm fine; I'll be to the bars in about 15
Is it a problem that I find my wife's 16 year old niece sexy?
ever had your bank call you to verify the 4 seperate bar transactions from the night before? I have
Drawing dicks in the frost on people's windshields is a rare joy I allow myself while walking to my 8 AM class.
23 Crazy Psychological Tricks You Have To Try on Someone RIGHT NOW
I'm pregaming for my hair cut. Working two jobs definately taught me how to use my time wisely...
Dude in front of me just jumped out of line at Starbucks to go puke. Vegas in prime form.
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
4 people stoned, 3 boys I've slept with, 2 I gave chlamydia, and a partridge in a pear treeeeee
I'm about to start putting my tampons in the microwave for a few seconds these plastics applicators and this weather don't mix
These 25 People Forgave their Significant Others for Saying Stupid Things
i just remember sliding through the snow and yelling i love america before puking on the oncoming cars
Im like a hedgehog. Easy to corner or get within reach, but tough to get right close to. Like a rooster with its feathers surgically replaced with razors
My day in three words: secret purse cake
She came so hard that after she finished, she started a slow clap and then told me she pulled a muscle.
you got drunk, told him he looked like shaggy and said 'I wouldn't show you my mystery machine for all the scooby snacks in the world'
The fact that I can sew my leggings while intoxicated proves I'm a functioning alcoholic