Glitter + Penis = Best. Idea. Ever.
he looked upset that i wasn't completely shaven. i reminded him he had begged. and beggars can't be choosers.
I just realized that if I marry him I will have the same last name as spiderman. this makes my decision so much harder.
We're too lazy too send a pic of out balls. Just assume this is a pic of our balls and respond accordingly.
These 33 Eskimo Brothers Boinked The Same Person And Couldn’t Be More Proud
i think i was tempted to text while we were making out. like i remember holding my phone up behind his head and just staring at it.
STOP CALLING ME LADY CHLAMYDIA
He just showed up at my house and was like "have you seen an axe laying around?" he wasnt wearing any shoes.
he drunk texted me to give me his number with the message "i gotchu pretty eyeso" i can't tell if he's complimenting me or himself.
He bought segways. We ride them when we get drunk. Last night he ran through the sliding glass door.
17 Inappropriate Things People Did With Instruments
I hope it's the birth control, otherwise I'm dying
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
Dude you spoke to a girl about CRICKET. She MUST want sex
Nope. Turns put my desperate group message for sex didn't work out.
Well you sent it to two guys who were roommates.
They could have rock paper scissored for it. My vagina = the prize.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
What are best friends for?
Picking your clothes up from a one night stand you had nearly 2 months ago