He asked me to sit on his face, but i didnt, for 2 reasons, one, i had just pooped like 20 mins before sex, and two, this could be my future husband. so i skipped on sitting.
I just set a weed brownie on fire in the microwave.
while you were getting the key to the dorm from the lobby i was giving a drunk monolog to the security camera about my life
tip of the day : never have sex with a full bladder. it WILL lead to complications and a very unhappy partner.
29 Petty People Reveal The Shallow Reasons They Turned Someone Down
my life is in even more shambles than last time, mcdonalds is closed
im vomiting on the 4th floor cause no one knows me there
Come scavenge bits of tuna out of my chest hair
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Well I'm just gonna sit here naked in this chair and whatever happens happens
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Is it going to be one of those nights where I shouldn't wear my contacts so everyone looks more attractive?
I'm at the point where I'm gonna write in my mothers bday card. Happy birthday. Please stop having sex with the door open.
DAMMIT Im supposed to be running a company not discussing dick piercings!
literally 50% of my time being 20 has involved my genitals thus far
I think curling is the best thing to watch when you're baked.
Also, don't forget your plan to die young at a shrooms-fueled orgy.