girl has like over 50 stars tattooed on her front, side and back. feels like i just fucked the universe.
Here's the thing. I'm really high and have lots of questions about lightning.
I am getting my wife a tattoo just above her butthole that says, "For entry just add tequila."
So I'm drinking wine and watching Thumbelina
I'm teaching my cat to play fetch
Yep, it's a friday
23 Men Confess The Moment They Realized They Wanted A Divorce
KEG. KEG. THE OPERA HAS A KEG. KEG STAND IN A TUX. AFTER PARTY RAVE AND KEG STANDS.
Is it bad that i wanna bang this girl ONLY because she looks like my cousin?
As i was laying there shouting that he dislocated my hip he actually reached his armed around and patted himself on the back
I think it's safe to say I'm rolling my hypothetical balls off
He told me I was his first American. I feel like I should've brought a flag to plant on him.
The 23 Most Inappropriate Things To Happen At A Funeral
Yeah i just finished watching someone play ping pong with his penis it didn't fully register until after a few seconds
She took a six hour road trip with me so I could have revenge sex with my ex's brother. That is the definition of a best friend.
We're doing a team debriefing of Saturday night in group text right now. As 75% of the female presence at that party we saw some shit.
It's gotten to the point where waking up in my own apartment is a surprise
Slept with the roommate last night and also discovered that she believes in eugenics. I may need to slow down my drinking
I have a bunch of bug bites on my ass... This is why you don't have sex against a tree in the woods