My friends, they love my intelligence
Theres this tee in the mall and it says all girls just wanna have safe sex. U make me think thats a lie
Is it sad i was sitting here thinkin how i would only fuck Rob Pattinson if he was glittery at said time.
I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
Just 30 Funny Tumblr Posts About Starbucks
Tell me the dirtiest joke you know
god, I love you
My mom walked down and caught me drinking by myself, watching the nanny at 3:30AM. I had no idea what to say
I just want you to know that if I ever had to fight man eating flowers or flying turtles to save my friends they'd be fucked. No one's worth all that bullshit. PS I really need to stop playing Wii while drunk.
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
The water bill last month was outrageous. We have got to stop fucking for hours in the shower
18 People Are Kind Of A**holes But Also Completely Hilarious
do you think the bartender judged us for asking for shots of well vodka and water chasers?
i cannot be the only guy who has bought the every day with rachael ray magazine for use as porn
It's like a new game! Find out if he's circumcised without actually seeing it
He somehow pantsed the bouncer and tipped him over before cartwheeling and skipping away? Help me find him.
Two dicks, one me.
Yoga's definitely paying off.
His ex told me that she wanted me to "take care of" him but from the way she said it I couldn't tell if she wants me to look after him or murder him.