I could have mohawked her pubes.
His uber religious wife caught us having anal sex in their bed..... she called us sodomites. Can you even be a sodomite if you're a girl?
You're not a sodomite. You're a whore. Tell her to get the insults right. Did she try to save you with Jesus?
She said she'd pray for me. Man, if I had just caught my husband balls deep in some ho, I'd say fuck the praying and kick her ass.
I'll never ask another girl to get on top again, that girl from the bar last night got on top and shit diareah all over my ball sack while she was cumming.
I feel like I should I write an apology note to the frat for falling down stairs, passing out on the couch, and chugging the entire bottle of burnetts at semiforml last weekend. Apparently I was the main topic of discussion at their chapter meeting last night.
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I had to break up with him he didn't understand my priorities. I'm sorry but Saturday nights are for pot and Doctor Who. I'm not going to change who I am.
Are we talking about who knows if I'll get naked pictures of you with a broadsword or who knows if I'll be surprised?
I feel like a Europe failure cause I'm coming home from the club at 3:30 and so many people are just arriving... Wtf? 3:30am People! Drink earlier!
It's a Tuesday.
Is she still in your room?
Not for long. My plan is to smoke her out like a small woodland creature.
He just kept repeating "not with an octopus" over and over for hours. Soooooo Porn Dare was a succes.
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DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
KY in my mouth and throat does not a party make.
sex on a trampoline, in the rain, on ecstasy, just thought you should know.
? I'm just sitting watching something borrowed alone, crying in my boxers , feel like I should probably do something
She started waving a nerf rifle around and demanding free booze.
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
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