were not allowed back there because i puked on the waitresses foot while trying to order another round. for myself.
i always forget that thursday isnt the weekend in the real world
You sprayed lemon pledge on your crotch because it was "dusty"
I'm 90% sure a girl here is wearing a bra strap as a headband.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i guess i had fun last thursday night because when i got on the drunk bus this thursday night everyone immediatley started chanting my name and telling me to do a bus flip
whats a bus flip?
idk but apparently i invented it
Fuck Spring. The birds chirping at 4am make me feel unnatural for still being up and drunk.
Dude. Some drunk chick just put an Aussie hat on me and was screaming at me in German. Her friends had to drag her away. Point being, I now have a cool hat.
Expect nothing less than me teaching them how to do shots and put condoms on
You are. Embrace it. But you are the right kind of asshole.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a picture of his dick earlier so now we can all laugh at him tomorrow
Also a shrinking boner emoji would be helpful
Uh I almost got the bride to go down on me. I'm the smoothest maid of honor ever.
Did u guys seriously make a betting pool on when im going to get pregnant???
Yep, wanna bid?
he'll eat me out, but god forbid we double dip when sharing salsa
I woke up thinking it was Friday. I was disappointed (to say the least). I am pretty sure I have gained the quarantine fifteen (but I won’t know until I try to put something other than elastic-waisted shorts on). And I am probably going to need dentures because I am grinding my teeth so much. But hey--this is temporary, right?
Randomize