I forgot i ate a salad for dinner, so while i was barfing in his toilet, i kept screaming "i ate leaves?? i cant believe you let me eat leaves!"
the best part about being a teacher is there are always 20 little kids around me to blame my farts on
I tried making the sex a little better this time so right before I blew I yelled "ready or not here I come!"
this mix will be the most desperate cry for affection in the history of itunes.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
You made eat vitamins until I threw up
he asked me to hangout with him...and his son
when she asked where we met, i said the liquor store. the next words out of moms mouth? 'oh that's real promising molly'
Definitely want to eloquently cunt punt those bitches thru the field goals of life.
Yelling back at the people on Jerry springer through the TV, and eventually punching it. Failure of a night.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I want Samuel L. Jackson to stand beside me and narrate my morning shits.
He's hitting it raw. Might as well stick his dick in a vat of SARS at this point.
"He was so not worth staining my backseat for."
Dad got stoned the other day and bought us potty training seats for when we have children
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
the raccoons are back...
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