so i woke up this morning thinking _____ was in bed with me. . .but it was only a half eaten sonic burger
Can someone please explain to me how I got rugburn on my tits?
My roommate is on the phone with one of her friends trying to figure out how she threw up IN her pants. I'm not sure whether to burst out laughing or direct her towards Plan B.
You would think that someone would have been sober enough to object to vodka bong races.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Hey, you guys have all had chicken pox, right?
It's only 8pm and Karl already got a stripper fired.
You kept apologizing for not offering me some of your Whisky, which you referred to as "Jesus Nectar".
But life is now good. Well, not good, good would be not wearing the penis hat with the extended family of the boy I just cheated on, but as good as it's going to get today
Everyone at work loved my story about sobering up in a river with no bra on.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
I told him I'd clean his cock if he ever sent my GF another text message. It was a horrific time for me to miss the l key on my iPhone.
I love being high. The owl outside stopped who-ing and I could swear I just heard someone say, "Okay, that's a wrap!"
I think I might be harboring a Canadian in my womb.
think before you get married my friend it's my birthday and just got done jacking off
So uh. Your future in porn. Would you be willing to wear an alien costume for it?
Randomize