I coulnt tell if he was cumming or if I was throwing up
My freaking DENTIST just commented on my hickies. Through the novacaine I managed to mumble 'It was my birthday' and she smiled knowingly.
there was naked duck duck goose
how does that even get suggested?!
after naked leap frog.... it wasn't that big of a deal
She talked about nothing but beanie babies for 45 minutes. I'm never getting high with her again.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
There was a fucking SNAKE in the urinal. WHAT THE FUCK
she looked at me completely serious and said "orgasms are 15% Stronger during a hurricane" and started to take all her clothes off
I need you to do me a favor and hide my sword from me tonight. I'm planning on drinking my weight in vodka and I don't trust myself enough to not run through campus screaming "I AM SPARTA!" You'll be saving me a mugshot as well as saving some innocent girls from tears.
I've injured myself in such a way that i am only capable of making love standing up now
I probably should have waited until after the game to pity fuck him. You know, seeing as we lost.
You're the reason why I want to be a better drunk
I will read books by day and do guys by night. A mental and physical enlightenment, if you will.
So, if you eat too many protein bars, you will shit your pants. This I learnt today..... at work.
I dont even remember what i was saying but just one minute i was crying and the next i was showing u my genitals
Let the clothes fall where they may.
Randomize
