So she farted while we were having sex but I was afraid she would stop because she was emberessed so i just went ahead and took the blame and apologized
I just had a girl text me from knoxville "come see me. we'll go for drinks and I can make you breakfast"
how do you like your eggs?
over tits
Come see our sink grown plant.
Sandwiches are there for you when porn isn't.
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Im coming down to miami this weekend
We shall drink from the everclear river
I woke up with my panties in the cat food dish, and everything covered in honey and bruises.
I got into the shower with my underwear on. I just sat down in the tub and tried to figure out when I lost all control of this hangover.
So after my hot dog popped out of the bun and fell to the ground I tried to pick it back up and eat it. He had to kick it away from me to stop me from trying to pick it back up and eat it. I like him.
The hint wasn't even a hint. it said "stop talking to her" that's pretty straightforward
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Now we're discussing the sex we had and the later lack thereof. It's like marriage counseling via snapchat.
JUST BECAUSE I LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED DOESNT MEAN IM GOING TO LIKE TO BE TIED UP AND SPANKED AT WORK
I just had to pick up my "let's drink and make bad choices" hat, my banana suit and beer pong table from work. Until just then I couldn't figure out why I got fired.
He wouldn't shut up so I started sending him pictures of animal dicks
I can't tell if my heart is fluttering because I love him... or if it's palpitating from all the coke.
We moved the bed and she found my vibrator. The entire ride home was a montage of her singing "Are You Lonesome Tonight"
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