I seriously can't date anymore I forgot how to hide my crazy
you're putting all your eggs in a very hungover basket
i wish there was an iPhone app that lets you write a TeXt LiKe tHiS
dude...come out of the closet already
I spent my night drunkenly staring at a picture of John Stamos. How do you think I feel?
Apparently, I woke him up at 4AM, and yelled "you're mad because we don't have sex," while grabbing his dick. Then immediately fell back asleep, dick in hand.
I've never played a more sexually-tense game of Uno in my life.
How long does it take to cook a corndog over a candle?
the bathroom floor of the diner looks a lot different when you're not rolling around and puking on it.
Eberyones makin fun of me cuz I found a snail and caught him and put him in a bocks for u
Ya bro it was wild. Hey, is latex digestible?
But the guy you're fucking should not be within ten pounds of your weight when you're five fucking feet tall and he's 6'2". That's all I'm saying.
As we were passing the joint around, people were dunking Jenga pieces in Vaseline and sticking them to the window. I also smoked weed with a girl that was in an above the influence commercial.
DOUBLE NIPPLE PIERCINGS ARE HORRIFYING
I was all, oh. I've had tattoos and broken a limb. Waxing my lady parts will be a cake walk. I was wrong.
Only you would try street racing in a Volvo.
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