i was like the pretty and slutty 8th grade girl who goes to a party, gets wasted, and ends up having sex with a senoir
alcohol + bed + penis = sex
He kept starring at my ass and repeating "Its Just a beautiful piece of artwork."
she said if she won the lottery she'd fuck me... isn't that like government funded prostitution?
i gave her road head last night, needless to say it wasn't the same and i bit a chunk of the inside of my cheek off.
People Are Arguing Over This Guy’s Petty Reaction To Splitting Lunch With His Co-Worker
I woke up with a bloody knee, 6 burn marks on my thigh and glitter nails If anyone asks I'm going to say You came into town
Pretty sure I just puked up sand. And nothing else.
Still slightly drunk, sitting in Hyde park village. Two small children are dancing and singing "call me maybe" on the fountain in front of me. Am I hallucinating?
I stole all of the toasting champagne and did an interpretive dance to "wind beneath my wings". I am literally everything you're not supposed to do at weddings.
But your showmanship is impeccable.
this old dude from the bar is giving me a ride home in a van, his bumper sticker says " don't laugh your kids could be in here" scary world ou here
Girl Logs Into Twitter Only To Find Out Her Dad Is Trending For The Most Outrageous Reason
last night you told me I had a dark, salty butthole
You kicked me our in the middle of a blizzard with a dead phone. I had to give my watch to a pizza delivery person to take me home. You owe me a gyro too.
its the pipe that keeps on giving. Just when I think it's done, I scrape just enough. It's a st. Patrick's day miracle!
I told him you forbid me to sleep with him so he needs to accept that.
Your dick is the only reason I have motivation to come back to school today
he told me he had a gf and in the very next sentence asked if I wanted to have sex.