she's leaving w me bro, I've been buying her mad shots. She's seen my apt. So locked down.
Care to explain to me why theres a baby food jar filled with semen in my fridge? or why its labeled as unicorn sweat?
I just saw a pair of panties stretched over a fire hydrant on campus... I need to get the fuck out of this town
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
just spent $80 on an im sorry breakfast from mcdonalds for everyone sleeping in my apartment for being a drunkass and locking everyone out of the apartment at 2am.
I performed "get broken glass out of my shoulder" surgery last night... Drunk, with a what-a-burger straw.
For the amount of money I just spent on my dogs toe, I could have fucked the entire B squad at a low end strip club.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
True that.. I am going to ride a gold plated unicorn across a field of cocaine and coach purses when I graduate.
That was beautiful.
She crossed her eyes and threw up into a glass while sitting at the bar. It was fifty shades of sketchy dude.
After you threw up you would repeatedly say "napkin" like a siren until somebody got you a fucking napkin.
i knew it was love when she pulled a beer out from between her boobs and offered it to me
She showed up after 3 hours and proceded to make us all feel like resonable human beings. I dont know how she did it but she did it.
i feel like if my pee,blood, or vomit is on it...it should belong to me by default. can we make that a rule?
Thanks for making me a drunk burrito last night and cutting it into bite size pieces, I always knew you were a keeper.