I keep trying to leave, but for some reason I'm staying
If penises could fly, my ass would totally be an airport.
totally got the gold medal for the best fence jump when the cops came.
This is so pathetic it makes me miss snorting lines alone in my room listening to 'one more drink'.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just remember thinking, if she falls asleep, I'm totally eating that spilled chex mix right off of her.
You mean the girl who was passed out face down on the bathroom floor until 10 AM? You're right, she was cute.
I don't know if you remember, but I was only wearing an afghan.
Lots of rum and cokes. Bartender wore my underwear on his head. Lost my keys. Accidentily started a fight. DC is going to kill me
I just had to MC for a middle school event with jizz on my dress. I'm going to hell.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
it says 'tasty bitch' in sharpie on my tits...
My dad used the quotation mark gesture with his hands when he asked how my "roommate" was doing.
That may be because I drunkenly sent him a pick of you two curled up together like kittens. Two very buff kittens.
Nope we are at the ER my brothers crazyass neighbor kinda stabbed him in the neck. He's gonna be fine.
The way I kissed her was actually pretty charming and then it devolved to car sex
I'm not 100 percent on this, but I think I just shit a lump of cement. What the fuck happened last night?
i woke up on the third floor, naked in a closet.
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