in pain and im wearing pink underwear
so?
i dont own pink underwear
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Worst night here by far. And ive slipped in my own piss so thats saying something
as he pulled out he yelled "no kids!" and then passed out on top of me
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In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
My google searches from last night: tetanus shot rabbit bite, Bacardi gluten free
Why does She think it's her duty to welcome in freshman through the welcome mat that is her vagina
As I type I'm climbing my cousins swingset so I can take a nap inside the slide. Fuck this hangover. I always win.
i'm exhausted. do you know how hard it is to put together an outfit that is professional enough to secure a babysitting job yet slutty enough to let him know i'm down for sex during naptime?
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
I'm using my breathalyzer result sheet as a coaster for my 40.
There is a doctor sitting next to me at lunch talking about the engorged scrotum surgery he did this morning and I am about to lose my professional grown adult facade.
You attempted what you called the "Long Island Heist", in which you shoved a half glass of Long Island down your pants and asked me to help you sneak it out. That drunk.
I have rug burns on my nipples. Thanks for being an awesome wing girl.
So as you were leaving, you leaned on the table too much and 3 glasses slid and fell to the floor. You then looked at me and said "To be honest, glass isnt that expensive anyways" and stumbled out of the bar.
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