Marriage: a sacred union between one man and one woman, and another woman in Argentina.
I just saw a homeless guy on rollerblades; I don't think I've ever felt sorrier for someone in my life.
Woke up to sesame street reruns and a $62 pizza bill. Never again. I mean it this time.
that would be two times in a week with two different guys.
they have the same name so it only counts as one guy right?
It just feels wrong masturbating with my neighbor's cat in my apartment
Apparently william has a "couch montage"...an album of facebook photos of himself on different couches in various states of happiness and despair. A heartwrenching journey through what was clearly a significant part of his life. I'd mock him more but I think the fact that I looked through it means he's already won
You picked a jagger girl up claimed her then walked out the door with her that was the last we saw of you
All I want in life is to get high, take a shower, and him to go down on me. Simultaneously. That's legit my idea of heaven.
Tonight just try not to threaten to pee on the hot guys buying us drinks....please..
Right now, there's some ten year old kid getting ready to go outside and play basketball. He will soon find out his basketball hoop was no match for my car.
Swish.
When he was going down on me I referred to him as "Lord Snow" and HE GOT IT. HE GOT THE GAME OF THRONES REFERENCE. I AM IN LOVE
I wanted to say "you're a souless cunt" but in a nice way. So I added a smiley face.
WHAT THE FUCK DREAM ME
I'M GONNA PUNCH THAT BITCH THE FUCK DID SHE THINK SHE WAS DOIN
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
My lack of taco bell is hindering me from seeing the good part of that situation
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