My astrological sign? Vagitarius.
I think I just need to sleep with both of them to see which I want to date.
You just went from promiscuous to slut in 3.2 seconds.
i am YELPING strip clubs. This is interesting.
just a heads up, there may or may not be a mailbox full of the leftover beer on the table in your basement.
of course he's cheating on me, she's 100x prettier and she can do the splits
I want a vodka facial right about now. I'm talking about straight vodka bukkake
i was wearing footie pjs. how could there be confusion as to who i hooked up with, thats not something you forget
who am I kidding I don't have any dignity. Plus we're not doing a porno, we're just doing random things naked
Walking out of the bathroom and not knowing you have hand soap on the front of your pants so it looks like you blew a load on yourself really sets the tone for the rest of the week...
dude, we need a reunion soon, my vagina needs a deep massage. The kitty is ready to play
He pulled a kid having a seizure out of a car and stayed with him until the ambulance came.
he what???
Not kidding. My ovaries cannot handle this shit...swear next time he'll rescue a bunch of pound puppies and hand them out to lonely orphans.
If you've never been partying there before, take Shae with you. Drunk Shae is like a GPS. She found us the only bottle shop still open at four, a pot dealer, and told us all which subway to take to get home. She'd never been to Madrid before. It was awesome.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
Whenever I see women with terribly drawn on brows, I just wanna tackle them and redo them and run away. I'll be Brow-lady. The beauty superhero
Lock the bathroom door next time you are going to masterbate with the shower head, okay?
I was just power-washing my vagina.
Randomize
