You know the commpass Jack Sparrow has? The one that just points at whatever you want? Thas pretty much my moral compass.
my Prof for my bio lab has his lab coat collar popped. it's 8 am and im too hungover for this guy
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
Am I undercharging for one hour of sex per essay? I need a serious business answer.
People are yelling about how much they want you here.
I'm going to change, vomit up my mexican food to save the trouble later, and then come meet you. Thrilled.
I said I was going to sleep an hour ago. Now I'm making plans to get high with the guy who mows your lawn.
I was desperately holding on to my sandwich while we had sex.
Sometimes you gotta take mushrooms and swim on a rooftop pool to figure out your relationship
We need to be on the same page regarding the 3some this time. No more "one of us should probably leave" moments.
Oh god. I asked to "play his sexaphone" which I though was a super sex way to say "let me blow you". He fucking walked home at 4:30am
I can't figure out how to eat twizzlers and I have to be at a wedding reception in an hour.
Please never have kids.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Dude of course I want to. Your penis is beautiful.
It's a family event: you have to drink. No way around it. Its the law.
If he doesn’t slap your ass with his drumsticks, then I don’t wanna hear about it.
Randomize
