I definitely just put my boxers on backwards.
haha now u have to piss out ur bum
she said she's never had and orgasm AND she's a cubs fan...ouch.
he was grinding on you and dedicated the song "I'm in Love With a Stripper" to you then started taking his own clothes off
I'm in the Wal Mart stall where we found out you weren't pregnant. This is where I'm going to propose to you. I feel like that would be the most romantic
you're being fucking weird and i don't like it. text me when you're not being the after picture on a poster for rehab
Well since its impossible for me to swallow a pill this big I'm making wine slushies out of them
It's ok, I may have just peed outside your car and used your whataburger napkins. Hope you weren't saving them for a special occasion.
This is how my night is going so far. The bartender bought our last two rounds and I'm chasing a bee around the bar with a foam bat.
He ripped off his socks and ran around the basement barefoot. His feet turned black. Then he chugged Parmesan cheese. He chugged dry cheese dude.
I just watched Matt try to put on a pillowcase thinking it was a t-shirt.
apparently domino's not only has a live feed of pizzas coming out of the oven, but it also has a built in smooth jazz radio station. this pizza's getting really pornographic really fast.
He can keep it, but if he asks for anything else i'm just going to start pissing on things.
Did you cry?
I don't think so. I definitely lost my cool though
Yeah i think jesus would lose his cool in that situation
If you don't wanna wax my ass just say so.
Or is it distressingly heterosexual?
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