Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
he didn't want to fuck because he was too busy skateboarding. what are we 12? I'm too old for this shit.
Whats the count minus fat chicks?
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
But I feel like studying my flashcards during a blowjob would be rude...
he referred to his penis as the bashful dwarf from snow white
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
I don't want a mention or even a whisper of a Shakespeare Festival by that or any other name including, but not limited to, a fucking Renaissance Fair. Are we clear? It will be a DEALBREAKER .
i passed out twice in the shower, twice on the bathroom floor, once holding the toilet bowl and 8 times moving from the bathroom to my bed. Tequila sucks.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I'm sorry for aggressively singing the Frasier theme song at you so many times last night.
We got a lap dance! I touched a boob!
blue gatorade loses no color upon regurgitation
Just woke up with the taste of tequila, weed, and cigarettes in my mouth spooning a friend I haven't seen since college wearing one contact and one ankle sock. I hate myself.
my dad walked in on me peeing into the trashcan in our kitchen last night at like 2am. wtf
Watching porn.....Adele is playing in the background...so many emotions right now...so many.
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