Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Do vagina's smell?
The bartender let me pay my bar tab with my itunes giftcards.
He told me that I smelled like a Glade Plug-in, then sang the Menard's jingle in it's entirety in between kissing me.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I was cut off by 8, I need to rethink this breakup therapy strategy
Alive...but barely. Had dinner with my parents tonight which was conveniently located near where i left my car, phone, and self respect
MANGO MOTHERFUCKING GODDAMN MARGARITA DELICIOUSNESS
Why do i feel like Captain Hook just gave me a pap smear?
lets talk about you, dubstep, and a bunny suit.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Dang. We need a girls trip ASAP. Preferably in a country who has even lower standards than us on a Friday night.
Omg my butt feels so much better. Those suppositories are magic. It feels like Jesus fingered me in my sleep.
Like don't initiate a threesome when we're all watching SPONGEBOB. That's like sacrilege.
You're the third Mark I've fucked in that bed.
I was stuffing my face while buying a brownie and coffee and some kid I fucked came up behind me and said. Someone's hungry.
What does "mood AF" mean?
Mood as fuck.
Why did you comment that on a video of a gorilla throwing its own shit?
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