call me tomorrow and ask me about coke-whore stripper. It hasnt happened yet, but im sure it will be plenty disappointing.
I'm going to but the new Playboy with Chelsea Handler on the cover. I'm pretty sure it's the only time buying a Playboy will make me gayer...
Apparently I kept telling people I was a pro tennis player again...
I'm thankful she wil die Alone. And I'm thankful I slept wiht her cousin. And brother.
Its like I instantly had a mental image of me in my mugshot.
on the way home I asked you what exit we get off at and your answer was "just like the goldfish"
Went to 3 separate liquor stores today and I just made a huge tray of jello shots. This will be the Thanksgiving that puts all the others to shame.
The number of males in the usa getting circumsized are decreasing. Keep this in mind when we become cougars
Either sorry for fondling you Saturday or thank you for letting me fondle you Saturday.
Where's Taylor bro?
Never mind found him under the sink
Watching a bear prancing around in a tiara is worth a loss of bar time.
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
Nothing but goodness could come from two friends getting naked. Think of all the good advice and other things we could give to each other.
How about this: I support you through your miserable marriage, and you support me through all my anonymous sex?
This is a mass text. Who in the hell shat on my stairs last night?
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