how can getting a pizza be this hard?
when you've been drinking 14 hours anythings impossible
Well ya in hindsight obviously offering the cop a jello shot was a bad idea
I'm at a free clinic. Feel like I should cough or sneeze so it's not blatantly obvious I'm getting checked for STI's.
My hispanic family watching the world cup is getting too intense for me. a lit candle was just thrown at me because i walked by the tv.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I think i accidentally made vodka pancakes
I apparently started to text you last night. All it said was 'the whole clam'. I hope that means something to you.
I'll be really easy to find... I'm the naked one rolling around in cats.
He just told an 8 year old to go fuck himself so we probably won't be in the butterfly exhibit much longer.
Dude. Once again. Cleaning house. Found weed I hid from myself a month ago. Celebrating/testing it out. if i dont text back in 10, call dominos.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
OK. i'm going to add "riddle me this, brodawg" to the list of things i'm never gonna say to my boss again while i'm high.
It's amazing where one well timed dick pic can get you in life.
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I wanted to give everyone gifts as they left the house... So when your wondering where most of the christmas ornaments are I'm really sorry.
I can't talk, I can't walk, I think I'm twitching and I'm not even sure if I'm typing this. Help
Remember how I was complaining about how no guy has ever gotten me off?
Randomize