I just saw a dog and thought "Hey! A goat!" Then realized it was a dog. Now I'm sad.
stuffed animals make me feel really maternal.
this morning he rolled over looked at me and said "oooo, you look like i need a drink" and then put on his clothes and left without another word
thanks 4 putting "im not your boyfriend baby" on my sex playlist. she just got pissed and left.
So there is a guy driving a robot around the college of engineering selling energy drinks
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
It finally happened. My conscience stopped working. I've never felt so free
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Why doesn't the washer have a puke setting?
I feel like Captain Morgan shit all over my hopes and dreams last night...
Mashed potatoes are always the fuckin answer ok.
Not really how I planned to achieve immortality, but I'll take it.
In between explaining the best feminist lenses for the myth of Persephone and doing vodka shots with my friends she dragged me into my car and gave me an Earth shattering blow job. Honestly I think I'm in love.
I'm good. But Nutella doesn't taste as good as it used to.
lord you gonna make me abandon my soup for tasteful catboy nudes
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