My mind said no, but my drink said yes.
So we walked by this chick's house and she starts yelling at her boyfriend "STOP HITTING ME WITH YOUR DICK"
May God have mercy on my new vibrator.
So what do you think the policy is on vomit in rental cars? do I have to clean that up or is that part of the service I'm paying for?
Half the people who compete die. All the rest either lose their minds or grow an innate fear of sharks, vodka, and fishbowls
I still smell like men's body wash from that drunken shower I took at that stranger's home last night.
Pitting the remainder of the bottle against my hangover. I'm expecting an all out cage match for my soul and wellbeing.
Just saw the guy I slept with last night in a bar. He gave me a high five and kept moving
For Halloween this year I'm going to paint myself in gold, wear a golden toga and sash saying " cunt goddess"
had a nice chat with the older gay fellow who works in the bakery at the new vons about vday...we both feel that it's a day of dashed expectations & concerns that we'll have to be cut out of our spanx
Woke up to the frozen soundtrack blasting in the living room best one night stand ever
I was going to make you have an awkward boner around all your coworkers but then I fell asleep.
I just had the polyamorous Canadian hockey player do the splits while naked in a handstand at my apartment just now. And yes, I know it’s 1:30am on a Thursday.
The squirrels were at the front door. Dude I swear..
I dont know who to turn my two weeks notice into so I'm just going to get hammered at work and see who fires me.
Randomize
