There's too many weed/neon/felt Sublime posters in this room and someone just put on a Hunter S. Thompson movie. Save me, now.
Two girls are now jumping in the ocean naked at 10 PM...and I was just starting to hate Ocean City
Mom wants to know why I'm bringing a blender back to college.... didn't have the heart to tell her she's paying a $20,000 tuition for us to make margaritas and sleep through class
someday when you wake up in a dumpster we'll have to have this conversation again...
New York to be Host to America’s Biggest Singles Event
This is the 4th time we've hooked up, and this morning we woke up, he got out of bed and left. Left me alone in his apartment with 3 of his friends. Without even a word. Why do i like this guy?
He did a 4 wheel burnout and yelled at the cops "Sorry! It's for a school project!". HOW does he think of this shit?
I have a huge bruise on my thigh that I am 95% sure is due to you repeatedly throwing me over couches.
If is anything like my past relationships, I have no doubt that I will single-handedly reignite the Cold War
She said pants are for pussies while spooning peanut butter onto her frosted flakes with a serving spoon. She's not even high yet.
Kylie Jenner Wasn’t in the Kardashian X-Mas Cards & the Internet is Losing it
she's sitting there like the lesbian godfather. A cigarette in one hand and a titty in the other.
He's unconstrained by sanity, physics, or his liver.
The lady that was sitting beside me thought the best way to cheer herself up was to pet and ruffle my hair while crying and telling me her problems...
This is the second time this month a hookup cried when I left...bro get your shit together bar does NOT equal wife 😬
Every Easter every single one the baby Jesus butt plug comes up
He walked into the bar with a pineapple and they served him AND the pineapple