Deffinety need to stop having sex on the beach just took a dump and it was mostly sand
I caught a rooster roaming Edison Park then released it in the bar. They made me try to catch it again and somebody played the chicken dance while I chased it
Dude, we totally smoked up inside a church organ last night. Add this to the epic list.
Woke up un the hot tuv. Climbed out fo the hot tub and fell asleeo. Woke ip again in the hot tub.
I think the imperative here is that I literally knocked down a sorority house with the force of my dick.
She kept chasing him yelling thief, because he drank some of her drink. That was at 8, it got worse.
This is like a relationship, I expect to be mind blown at least once a week.
Omg he's telling my parents stories about him doing jaagerbombs ... Lord help me
I don't think eating half of a pickle out of my mouth counts as getting to know me
Sitting in airport bathroom. Guy walks into toilet next to me and announces "I want to apologize to the entire airport for what I'm about to do"
i'll fuck you during the next apocalypse. promise
It's okay I missed my booty call by two whole minutes so I decided to delete him from my phone and then re-add him as "I am a douchelord"
i have to vacuum my washing machine now, asshole
I've reached the last of the wine in my cup so now I have to sit up in my bed to get it through the crazy straw
What the fuck i just wanna eat my froot loops and sext in peace. Y'all motherfuckers gotta be loud as shit and break my concentration