Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(858): View more from California

You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat.

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(858): You were wearing a sombrero. And a crown. And told me to use the nerf gun to protect your room from the cat. You don't have a cat. http://tfl.nu/yzbr

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(337): View more from Louisiana

He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now

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(337): He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now http://tfl.nu/rj5l

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(270): View more from Kentucky

The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.

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(270): The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home. http://tfl.nu/2p12

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(512): View more from Texas

We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment.

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(512): We've reached that awkward stage of the relationship where he's in love with me when he's drunk, but sober him is still afraid of commitment. http://tfl.nu/imr3

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(864): View more from South Carolina

I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was.

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(864): I hope my sperm were as drunk as I was. http://tfl.nu/wo9k

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(978): View more from Massachusetts

he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works

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(978): he aimed his bare ass at the sparkler, farted, and it really did work...i love 4th of july anal fire works http://tfl.nu/o828

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(705): View more from Ontario

From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute

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(705): From what I remember, he had one ball. But it was cute http://tfl.nu/yhtx

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(270): View more from Kentucky

Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy.

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(270): Honestly, your dog is in better hands with that homeless guy. http://tfl.nu/4et1

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(484): View more from Pennsylvania

I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night.

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(484): I woke up and blew hamburger out my nose. That kinda night. http://tfl.nu/i8lc

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(307): View more from Wyoming

i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl.

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(307): i'm drinking whiskey out of a ziplock bag in a movie theater. i'm THAT girl. http://tfl.nu/csya

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(860): View more from Connecticut

i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge.

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(860): i just sent him like 8 different sexts and he texted me back about how good the hummus is that i left in his fridge. http://tfl.nu/tn6n

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(703): View more from Virginia

The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night.

(703): View more from Virginia

The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie.

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(703): The good news is that I can 100% reassure you that you did not get knocked up by some creepy Italian dude named Sal Manella last night. (703): The bad news is that you will never know the name of the guy who may have gotten you pregnant last night because he clearly gave you a fake name, sweetie. http://tfl.nu/hgcg

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(04): View more from

This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.

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(04): This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street. http://tfl.nu/uumo

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(503): View more from Oregon

drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over

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(503): drunk freshman in the bathroom puking keeps saying "i'm a peasant" over and over http://tfl.nu/dlzy

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(651): View more from Minnesota

Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called.

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(651): Only I could host a baby shower where the cops get called. http://tfl.nu/hamr

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