worst lay ever....
as long as you cum, there is no bad sex
ya... thank god for condoms, I was able to fake it... I stand by my original statement
she named each of the players on the last ten madden covers in order and then shotgunned 2 beers...if she doesnt have a penis im in love
Need to stop getting stoned with this chick, I keep waking up covered in pizza sauce
My spanish isn't great but I'm pretty sure he was calling me a "little monkey" while I was blowing him
this girl is like a spa retreat for my dick
just got home. some guy on my porch is tryin to show me his balls. no more parties at my apartment.
Thank god Shes going home for winter break, gives my dick a chance to recover from those "bjs." Youd think a senior could suck a dick by now.
God, you're amazing. I just want to hang out with you in the nude and watch Monty Python movies whilst we quip about how comedians just aren't as funny anymore.
Credit for originality. Points off for a mild to moderate creepy factor.
Check snapchat. Selfie game still on point mid vomit.
Oh man I wish I could've gotten a picture of how many anti-circumcision stickers are on this Prius
We've had gay sex and pie, the holiday season has officially begun.
Pumped to get "pass out-wake up in Berlin-buy a chinchilla" drunk?
If you sleep with him I will stab you int the uterus with a pitchfork.
Prepare the pitchfork.
I just found three upside down bottles of grapejuice in a triangle around the air freshener above my toilet... I guess it was one of those nights
I forgot to respond before, I was apologizing for confusing sex with secret Santa.
Randomize
