she has a miserable personality but its a good think you dont have sex with that
pussy has no personality
Amen to that
seagrams + popov + pineapple + milk. there, ur search for worlds worst drink is over. you're welcome
She's allergic to latex.
Lucky bastard.
She threw up in my garbage can last night and walked home with it this morning so she could clean it out...
She is dropping it off on the way to the bar at 7.
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
I drink more single than I do in relationships. Except with assface.
You know i'm the father figure
Yeah the father who ate her out with me last night. Great dad
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
I threw up off of your balcony and it must have been loud because the dog downstairs went insane.
IDK MAYBE BC I WOKE UP IN AN AIRPORT WITH A ONE WAY TICKET TO LONDON
The sex was totally worth how awkward its gonna be for the next few weeks
She slapped a big dramatic bandage on my arm and people started buying me drinks...I plan on wearing a full body cast tomorrow night.
Everyone got an underage but her
How'd she get out of it?!
She hid in the FUCKING DRYER
Ah you cut my boxers off with scissors, we're way past introductions
You'll probably laugh but I am currently in bed in the fetal position wrapped in only my ninja turtles towel. Save me.
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