seriously this is one of those moments where im glad i dont really talk to or know the people i sleep with
Well said.
The woman in front of me has a completely clear purse. I can see everything. It's ballsy because her vagisil is on display.
I don't remember which guy I met at the bar is coming to pick me up. It will be like my birthday surprise.
I faked it too. I just spit on your bed.
my mom found me this morning spread out like jesus sleeping on the living room floor. i had a piece of bread over my eyes to block the light out
We were driving to the party as he was giving me key bumps.. That's what I call team work
Need your help. He's locked himself in the bathroom with his bong and his childhood collection of Goosebumps books.
Were going to have to vacuum the bathtub, great party
Ecstasy body chair massage shower sex fest this week?
And your cousins porn shouldn't have been the first straight porn you watched. And for that I am sorry
I made it with a guy dressed as Mitt Romney. I told him "you can't have my vote, but you can have my body"
Are you sure he's still you're boyfriend when you're sober?
Dude, I'm thinking today is Single as Fuck Friday because that's how I'm feeling
It's really life affirming to be at a wedding thinking wow I took your husbands virginity
We can have bacon on the roof while tanning
Randomize
