you were crying and the really sympathetic homeless man offered you a sip of his whiskey. who was i to stop you?
fyi, we didn't break up, we just downgraded to occasional sex without ever talking about it.
Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....
Im sitting on the exxon bathroom floor, idk if its healthy but it sure is cold
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just bared my soul to you and you fell asleep. Or you're fucking your boyfriend. Either way, not cool. fuck.
I think he offered to cook me dinner or cook me for dinner. Not really sure. Just smiled and nodded.
You used up your allotted blow job minutes for the month of April last night anyways
Me and this random chick had a conversation about how to save the world. 2 words: Dance. Battles. I love drunk heart to hearts in bar bathrooms.
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
what's the proper way to say, "I'm sorry for puking on you and your bed mid hook up then going downstairs and fucking your roommate because you locked me out of your room completely naked...?"
What part of don't open in front of your kids didn't you understand? Astroglide, magnums, fuzzy handcuffs and a blindfold are going to be hard to explain as friends presents.
"Let's do body shots off the freshmen" is officially the worst thing I've ever said.
meanwhile at my house I found 2 bud heavys in the back of my book shelf crammed between a Franklin book and goodnight moon
I knew you were cut off when you tried to order a "Phil Collins"
you ass-dialed me while you were fucking my ex.
that was on purpose.
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