that's why i date skinny girls, they don't realize how small it is.
Last night when I was hammered I set a reminder to tell you that your boobs are my favorite ones in the world, so this is me giving you that message.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
The chips are stabbing my teeth, and I can feel the muscle under my mouth contracting.
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Well it involved jumping two nine foot fences. But when you mix alcohol and persistence you can't lose.
Is "you left your socks here, please come get them" a good way of saying "come fuck me?"
There are rocks in my bed. And dirt all over my face. Explain?
I feel like I'm in an ocean of eels jacking me off
Hes trying to fuck me on a bear rug. Not saying no.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Well that's the second time I've broken a lamp during sex this month. Starting to worry I'm some kind of X-man. (this one was a wall sconce and I fully smashed it with my head and it crumbled like it was made of sugar)
Just got discharged from the hospital after getting my finger stitched back together don't you dare say you had a worse night than me
I had jack at 8 am= instant drunk
FUCK. EVERYONE MAKE MY CONTACT NAME DADDY ISSUES
Liquor has joined the party. Aly just fucking yelled "I LOVE COOKING" and poured margarita mixer, ice and tequila into the blender.
public service announcement: beginning at 10pm please text me at half hour intervals reminding me to keep my legs shut tonight. Note, this is not a drill.
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