you should wait a day or two to break up with your girlfriend
why?
so we can have sex in the meantime. It adds a little excitement.
When I got to his place, he served wine and cheese and made me sit on the balcony while he read his poetry to me. He cockblocked himself.
I won the karaoke contest at the bar last night, when they called my name i was doing blow off the toilet seat, i thought they caught me, i didnt even know there wasa contest
is it possible i asked you to give me a preliminary pap smear?
He drives a BMW. I have to fuck him. Girl Code Rule #26.
There was a gay guy in drag passed out against the wall but we had sex in there anyway.
Chris threw beer can at guy. Guy ended up being a fighter. Chris got his eye socket broke. Fighter got hand re-broke. Chris is passed out. Fighter is in kellys bed. everybody won last night. I think.
This is the minute she broke up with me. If you're receiving this mass text, you are one for the girls who made me promise to text you at this point.
I just did something so unspeakable in the panera bathroom that their health score dropped 10 points.
Well I'm going to hell. But I'm going after multiple orgasms.
I know you're on a date and I should leave you alone but about twenty minutes ago I realized I haven't been spanked in years so if you're still looking for a birthday present, you know, consider it.
So basically I really like drugs AND banging cops and it's starting to get complicated
Am I getting cock blocked by karaoke? That's a first.
Remind me to never do anything where hiding something in my butt is the best course of action
I had perfectly good intentions but my penis had other ideas and now I need a place to crash what do you say
Randomize
