Spotted: Pepto Bismol pink Scion with Ed Hardy sticker on front window, air freshener, and seat covers. Total Douchette Mobile.
Last night my friend tried to make out with me in an olive garden. Ahahah
Nothing says 'I love you' like never ending salad and breadsticks
Do you think this abandoned cigarette has herpes? cuz I'm tempted.
I just woke up. In the port-o-potty next to our tailgate. an hour after the game started. explain.
29 Frat Parties That Got Way Too Out Of Control
Just getting around to doing laundry. Jesus there's a lot of blood on my birthday dress.
You got ahold of his prescription papers and gave out prescriptions for cranberry and vodka
Another night, another sound of my neighbor almost having an orgasm.
And she used to have such long ones. Sad.
So, Southern Comfort will donate 25 cents for every bottle sold towards Gulf Coast Relief... Can we save the wetlands through my alcoholism?
I don't talk to her anymore. I lit her birthday presents on fire. Who the fuck puts candles that close to tissue paper?
15 Ridiculous Ways Broke People Managed to Make a Buck
Well the nurse forgot to take all my stitches out, so my surgical tools are peroxide, kitchen scissors, fingernail clippers, a pocket knife, and 11 beers. Let's do this...
I was just handed jelly beans by a guy in a penguin costume. Standby for confirmation on if they are actually drugs.
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
According to facebook, I opened up a can of whupass on some douche who poured all the vodka on the ground.
You called the wrong number but I salute you.
My one night stand just messaged me and said he is praying for me...
I AM GONNA CUM EVERYWHERE TONIGHT BRO.