Sometimes I think its so cool that a dick that has been inside kate moss has also been inside me. So exciting.
I may or may not have eaten the rest of your birthday cake last night after getting blazed and watching harry potter.
i think you have the wrong number
so then it wasn't your birthday cake. k, cool.
What would you do if you came home and i was in nothing but the table cloth?
It's also dangerous to ride a bike down the stairs after a few beers, but I've done it.
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I am now the only person in my apartment who hasn't had sex in my bed.
She's using our floating beer pong table as an air mattress to sleep on.
Well at one point he got ahold of my archery gear.. And I. Shit. You. Not. Sarah took an arrow to the knee.
She wanted to make popcorn, but the air-popper was broken. So she dumped the entire container of kernels into the clothes dryer. Drunk movie night was a success!
It looks like I promised him my virginity, in spanish. What the hell did you give me?
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she said she wouldn't go home with me until she looked up my name in her sex offender app. do i really give off that vibe?
Yeah. It's not just the beard either.
I want to be your penis for a week.
I need to find another hobby that doesn't include being hungover.
Ran into a tinder match at the bar last night. We spotted each other and started making out without speaking any words to each other. Fuck yea technology!
Ya it was crazy the power went just as she was about orgasm and the vibrator got fried with the power surge
For not being a nurse or a sex worker I have seen an alarming amount of penises.