dude, i just saw a bobcat while i was rollerblading this morning
1 dont ever text someone @ 8am on sat. 2 dont ever admit to rollerblading past 1992.
we just decided that lesbian tuesdays are a must, as of tomorrow.
I'm outside your house...sorry I feel like I don't need formal invites anymore.
I'm retiring my vagina. Better yet I'm Farve-ing it.
Def the best call fo sho
That way it can come out of retirement anytime and play for different teams. And it can wear Wranglers.
just fucked my old babysitter, gotta love block parties
it's kind of slutty but what the hell, so are we
Woke up this morning to my mom on the phone with my dad saying, "It's probably just your prostate." Reasons to move out. Go.
im drunk. people are steering their children away from me. whatever it is that you called for, I assure you that I don't care. have a good night
like he couldn't stop by and throw me in the back seat and ask for a blowjob? he had to give me flowers?
Last two new years I ended in jail by 12. Can we wait until its actually 12:02 this time to do something stupid. I'd like to spend the first minute of 2012 free.. At least.
He walked away from the girl that just blew him to hook up with another girl, and when she got pissed he just turned around and screamed, "SHE IS LIKE 10X HOTTER THAN YOU!" Then she went on an angry dick sucking rampage. There were 4 victims.
It would have to be recorded, because that sex tape would be humanity's primary evidence of miracles
We should get Al Michaels to provide commentary for it.
I'm mopping my WALLS now. And talking to my mop. I literally just told it "yeah I kno that dirt doesn't wanna come off but were gonna get aren't we?" This is some good snow!!! mini maid needs to give it to their maids. The world would be spotless!!!!
The problem is that you are trying to hold on to some dignity. Let it go. I hope your rash gets better.
I hurt myself, but I'm pretty sure I saved the carpet.