my grandma just informed me that patrick swayze used to babysit my dads cousins why wasn't i informed of this early...like when i was obsessed with dirty dancing!
I'm pissed I'm finding this out at 24 bc i could have used this material to make friends
I have on cowboy boots and a ten gallon hat. I'd say I'm a little past tipsy
they told you the "weed man" wouldn't come until you were asleep, like santa claus. you believed it.
Julian told me all the fish in his pond died and he didn't know when or how. I didn't have the heart to tell him he drunkenly peed in the pond on Saturday as everyone cheered him on.
i did make 45 jello shots and that makes me feel more productive then any paper would
I think it was the chocolate body paint and awesome blowjob that finally made us official.
it's like heaven, but drunker
Its official. Girls from Indiana do not give rim jobs.
How am I?!! The turkey is dry as shit, I'm watching football in low def and there's no beer b/c everyone is in aa. Fuck giving thanks.
I'm using the house around the corner that my parents rent out to people as a means of getting sex. I just tell them I'm going for a walk and just invite my next hook up over
I'm calling in my "fuck at anytime anywhere" card. Meet me at my place in 20 min, wear your Waldo costume.
It's fine. I wouldn't trust either of them to be my workplace drug buddy.
I definitely don't remember licking the drag queens boob.
I had a dream that I got you so wet that you flooded my apartment
I'm not well. Although it could be worse.
My cousin is so hungover she quit her job.