it tastes like there's a party in my mouth and everyone is throwing up
I walk of shamed back from his dorm in costume while his dad and brother were waiting outside to drive him home. his dad apologized to me. my life never gets old.
So I'm eating my sandwich... and a penny fell out of it.
All the walks of shame were condensed into the hour before parents started showing up. Move out day is so bittersweet
i just realized i dont have a sober facebook picture since 2007
It was the most graceful puke ever. I just thought she dropped something underneath the bar until she told me what happened.
don't be alarmed if you come back and i'm passed out drunk and naked cuddling with the franzia.
some asshole was waslkibg around with ab electric razor and shaving parts of peoples heads.
My only regret is not throwing up on the conveyor belt in the dining hall
Stole a wheelchair from the hospital and rolled down the street smoking and drinking this is my weekend
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
The Russian stripper asked if I like foreign girls. I told her I absolutely fucking hate accents. Most awkward 7 minutes ever
Here you are just trying to masturbate and I'm talking to you like your an initiate for some secret society.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
That was the second worst thing to happen to my asshole.