My superpower would be to be able to make a chick instantly start her period just by thinking about it
Is it proper Ass-Fingering-Etiquette to tell her u felt her poop or just pretend it didn't happen?
New beer pong partner names "Bus Boys" ... We clear tables
we just did breakfast shots, I have a black eye and savage garden is on . Best weekend ever
she has a picture of her daughter riding a giant rooster.. of course i want to make obscene cock jokes
I also have a full keg. I'm thinking about crashing a party, they can't get mad if I bring a keg of beer.
I have to stop drunkenly making out with guys just because they're tall or have a beard.
There's a 35% chance I'm still residually drunk from last night.
And you say you're not good with numbers...
I gave him my yeast infection. HOW THE FUCK DOES THAT EVEN WORK?
I couldn't drown my sorrows in an ocean of jack daniels. They may have scuba gear.
I just got caught impersonating a t-Rex by my boss. Sadly he wasn't fazed by my behavior and acted like it was normal.
Prerry sure I narrowly avoided being tazed by a swat cop last night... But on the up side, we found my purse.
At this point, I'd date an ax murderer. So long as he doesn't cry all the time, have ED, or leave me with his unspayed cat. My list of requirements is becoming increasingly specific.
Nothing says I love you like a silicone dragon dick
90% sure the total babe I have been talking to all night has a kid. Ugh, so sad right now.
Im so high
Randomize
