The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
whats the weirdest thing you ever masturbated to?
King Triton
the bouncer kept askin you for id just to see how long it would take you to find your pants
i have a dinosaur tramp stamp
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
I just remember getting him back by licking the window on his truck.
I positioned my bed perfectly so around 10 a.m. every morning there are rays of sunshine coming through the window in my room. Now i can tan while PTFO.
Last night he tried to put me in their garbage can and then sprayed me with a fire extinguisher in their kitchen...that house is always interesting
got into a fight with a bouncer over who's moustache is better again last night...
Bought two parrots for us. I'm keeping them at the Bellagio.
I just sugar scrubbed my vagina. If I don't get laid tonight, me and the universe are gonna have some problems.
Your cock has been in the back of my throat. Co-worker is no longer a sufficient title. Fix that shit ASAP
we fucked and then he hand fed me a hot pocket
New drinking game idea: Take a shot for every republican you see on facebook bitching about the ruling.
His favorite stripper is going to jail. He's taking it pretty hard
Randomize
