i got pulled over in my 'cops love me' tshirt. he didn't think it was funny when i pointed it out.
He tried to pick up a girl by telling her about his homosexual experience in high school.
So I feel bad, Ross is asking questions, I think they need to know it's a Spanish lesbian bar
Today might be the day that I legitimately throw up in my saxophone.
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All I kmoe is rheres a coffee pot full pf vodka in my purse
About six hours after the bottle of smirnoff, I was googling "losing your stomach lining" and calling my mom for help. She has experience.
I picked the lock on the bathroom door and sang him a song while he pooped. Why is he mad?
Did you know that if you hit someone in the head with a frozen loaf of bread you can knock them unconscious?
He sent me a snap chat of his naked torso with cookies over his nipples. Like.... that does not make me want you homeboy.
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you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
My 7 yo sister is trying to talk my mom into buying her a strawberry margarita. Happy Cinco de Mayo.
We learned many a lesson today about drug use in canoes
the last time I drank tequila I ended up riding your skateboard nude down the street... so yeah, I'll have a few shots.
Locals got pissed I was talking to the barmaid. Tried to tell me that they keep all the good beer at "a Soho walkup" Google saved me
...its technically supposed to be for the bridal shower but I think I can find an ensemble that says "im hopped up on x. Stick your tongue down my throat." As well as " im supporting your marriage to my brother"
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