Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
I'm at work, still drunk. Can you turn on the radio? If the station goes off the air I passed out. Can't get fired. Haven't slept yet.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
thanks for the 52 voicemails of you and crystal reciting the pleg of allegance
She screams like she's just fallen out of a helicopter when she cums.
To tired for the bar. Came home and drank wine out of the bottle. Kind of don't want to know what that says about my life.
Last night we got home from the bar and saw a fox outside and we lured it in the house with a piece of cheese. Just wanted to party with some potentially dangerous wildlife I guess.
On Friday, can we drink like its Civil Wars times and the doctor's coming to saw off our gangreen infected legs?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
You're right, I'd say my real all time low was when I let that fifteen-year-old feel my boob.
Apparently my thong was thrown in the cornfield last night. No one will tell me why.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
I sent her a video on Snapchat of me cumming, with a Father's Day snap filter that said "#1 Dad".
Bitch I slept on the ground 2 nights running
His idea of hot sex is sticking his finger in my dark star while doing me Missionary style. You can tell he's from the Bible Belt.
Does he smell like BBQ?
Inside and out.
Randomize
