Then you got really excited when I upgraded you from puke bowl to puke bucket.
sometimes when i'm walking through campus i wonder how many of these people have seen me puke
Pizza is the life boat of my drunk Titanic
There comes a time in a man's life when he's almost thirty he just needs to stop watching Degrassi. This is that time.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
he came within less than a minute of me blowing him. this was our second night hanging out in a row. for an almost 30 year old italian man, he is NOT living up to his country's reputation
You were force feeding yourself jello and you kept repeating, "I will not surrender"
Do not deep throat a rocket pop, it WILL go into your lungs, and you may die.
The only image of you you know is from reflections or pictures. Its 2d. But what other people see is 3d. How do you know that's your real face! MIND.BLOWN.
Like if a baby's bottom had nipples, that's how my boobs feel
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It's a strange mix of shame and pride every time I pee at the bar and still see my lipstick on the bathroom wall...
Drunk me obviously wants to fuck up my life
It's like I have an arch nemesis, and it's me
I just KNEW this was gonna happen. NEVER say "all the free Jameson you can drink" around Tina.
I smoked then listened to a voicemail from my mom...I ended up yelling at my phone cause she wasn't answering me. Forgot it was a recording.
my liver is dry heaving
stop texting me about your public sex.
says she who narrated getting eaten out in a movie theatre over text to me
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