I am slurping my drink like I am going to the electric chair
i luv seein jocks study. its like watching monkeys masturbate.
We woke up, fucked, and shared a piece of my sister's first communion cake for breakfast.
And you thought you were going to hell last weekend.
His dick looked like E.T.'s finger. It scared me.
We made out for three hours. Then she said she didn't sleep with redheads and left the party. So yes, I'm still drinking.
My clit is not a Gobstopper. Cut it out.
I think animal control just caught me smoking a bowl on the back porch. Do they have any say in this matter?? Haha
I've decided he is effectively a mouth, hands and cock held together by bad ideas and compliments, and I'm OK with that.
So hungover. I'm getting too old for trolloping around in disco shorts going shot for shot with well behaved underclassmen in an effort to lure them to the dark side of alcoholism and liver failure.
Did I really make him pull over to give the homeless guy my bra?
Someone sharpied "COCK HUNGRY" on my butt cheeks last night. When the fuck did I have my ass out?
I know you're very busy with sleep and things, but when you wake up we need to talk about weirdly shaped penises.
You partied and then got cock slapped, Don't tell me you didn't have fun
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
As she came, she moaned Roll Tide. I kid you not.
Randomize
