i am high, trapped with a bunch of skaters and asians watching a cat on lsd on youtube, the girl on the couch next to me is getting fingered, and there is lady gaga playing. god has forgetten about me
Can you tell me why I have pubes stuck in my teeth?
I just told my boyfriend I think I might be pregnant using Emoji icons....
which icon did you use to tell him he's not the father?
The only thing I can remember you saying is "I won't cut pizza like this when I'm older."
25 People Confess The Most Awkward Situation They’ve Ever Been In
You hooked up with 4 random girls, avoided your grilfriend finding out about it, and dodged traffic on Park Ave. Can you say luck of the Irish?
I can't wait until next week, when I find out what drunk me added to the Netflix queue.
You guys tried to boil water to fill up the empty hot tub. After the fourth trip back with the kettle you gave up.
Idk how hard you fucked her, but you managed to leave permanent ass prints on my tempurpedic mattress.
Sorry, but you probably shouldn't come over. I'm too sober for this.
These Are 21 Of The Most Delusional People Ever
Just got offered to exchange moonshine for manscaping services by a gay guy. I'm gonna have the smoothest back in St. Louis county.
I actually bought food at McDonald's as an apology for what I was about to do to their bathroom.
I told her shower beers are even better when you have someone in there with you and she said she's been looking for a new drinking buddy. It's a goooooo
We were just sitting together and this guy walks up to us and says, "you ladies are drinking too slow", puts a 5 dollar bill on the table and just leaves the bar. Helloooo Taco Bell
Did my roommate wake up in your girlfriend's apartment in drag again?
I walked so much yesterday and I was like holy fuck I need to do some cardio apart from sex cause this is ridic