There's a group of australian girls next to me. can't take them seriously. think they are going to turn into mr g
I've grown up since last year. I don't give blow jobs as birthday presents anymore.
Yes, you did come over last night. You also tried to give my dog a blowjob. You got rejected.
I woke up this morning to my phone notebook open and written was "reasons why I'm a whore in chronological order" then it listed everybody I've had sex with in the past five months.
This Girl Got Ghosted By Her BF Of 5 Years While On A Trip They Took For Her Birthday
idk whats worse playing power hour to yourself, or the fact that you were having fun while doing it
We should reintroduce naked Mondays
and after i failed the breathalyzer i said to the cop "i've never been very good at tests"....
Hickies on top of my hickies. I need a leash and/or a positive female role model
dude i should have never cleaned my ears out while high. theres no going back.
People Are Applauding Chrissy Teigen For Getting Candid About Breast-Pumping
I'm ok. I've got the pantsless-with-dignity thing down pat
Totally had a conversation drunk last night with a bisexual chick at my apartment in Spanglish too.
You're a hero.
Listen, I bought the coke that got us those free drinks, okay? Show some respect.
he told me he liked me . I thought we were just fuck buddies . This ruins everything!
Sexting and pancakes... It's going to be hard to top that
You looked at the bouncer while you pissed on the front door of the bar and said...who the fuck are you?