I think i just called up my ex and talked to her for 20 minutes about frogs and how happy i am to be wearing shorts
u know whats better than using ur vibrator? using it w/ jeopardy on in the background and half moaning the correct final jeopardy question. yeah that just happened.
And we started making out. She asked me to pick a number between 1 and 10. I said 6. She took me to her room. A few minutes later I wasnt a virgin. DUDE I WAS GOING TO SAY 2.
dude you cant keep breaking into my house just to raid my fridge.. especially at 3AM.
Pre warning. Your not gonna sleep tonight cuz I'm staying with your roommate. Thanks for breaking up with me.
So should I finish watching Space Jam and then get head? Or get head while secretly watching Space Jam?
I paused mid sex to tell him I wished I'd taken up barrel racing so I could ride better.
I am stoned and listening to the Olympics music I downloaded on Saturday. Best 6 dollars I have ever spent.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
So I'm sitting here baked on a bridge thinking about how plants think, I miss you so much
The last thing I remember about last night was guzzling white zinfandel out of the box and eating cheese. And I was thinking OH YOU FANCY HUHHH
Do you know how much wine is in a box of wine? Not so much an amount, but whether it will kill me if I drink the entire box this xmas
I refuse to be socially acceptable any longer than what is needed to pick up chinese food.
You know your Halloween costume is slutty when you have to shave your pubes to wear it.