i think the semi hot bartender might actually be a man in drag..on a similar note, what are you drinking?
John tries to set me up, and she has 1 arm. I'm a nice guy, but 2 arms is kinda a requirement
when my professor asked "does anyone know what streches across south america" and a kid in the back row said "my exgirfriends vagina" i knew i was at home.
My mom just found some of our lube mixed in with my box of pots and pans. I hate moving home.
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I just remember taking her cat for a walk around 3 am then falling asleep in a slide at the park
judging by the cake all over the hall, my neighbors had a pretty successful thursday too.
asked the girl next to us on line to take a picture of us and she shared her bacardi. i love white people.
I guess he was telling a totally normal story about being a lifeguard and I wouldn't stop screaming "THAT'S LUDICROUS" at random intervals.
My mom just saw the bruise on my chest from the bite mark he left. Played it off that I hit myself w a box of beauty products. She believed me. God I love working retail sometimes.
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Dude. I might have just seen some porn i wasnt ready to see. The chicks were so old.
I can't be here...my therapist just watched me take tequila shots
So far today I've found 3.5 million dollars in savings. Pretty sure management is gonna start buying me hookers if getting laid has this much payoff
Congratulations, you've begun to unfuck your life.
He wins the giant teddy bear for getting the neuva ring on the dick
Should I be flattered that she mumbled "You're the king of my face" before passing out?