my penis was classy and tasteful, i don't know what her problem was.
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
I woke up with a Nike swoosh shaved into my chest hair. my friend got 3 stitches. my phone had a text that simply read "fuck you". I say it was a good party.
Ok, but If I make this happen, my first born son gets to fuck your first born daughter
For some reason 'start yourself on fire drunk' isn't nearly as funny after last 4th of july..
I told him i wanted to be exclusively cheating with him
i mean, some people chug beer and some people chug hard liquor. some people have good ideas and some people have bad ideas. it's all about perspective.
I stopped in the middle of puking to wish you a happy birthday, so by default it means a lot.
I pretty much envision me eating a turkey leg whilst fucking you. I have priorities.
Does peppermint hummus sound good or am I just high?
Me focusing on not shitting my pants is keeping me awake.
I cannot FaceTime with your penis
I was like can I please fuck your hips back into realignment
I have accepted that I am a sexual predator. What I can't accept is the lack of sexual men for me to seduce in this town.