The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
what's for breakfast?
Advil and throwup
We went to red robin and there was a 15 minute wait so we went and fucked in the car. Quickies, endless fries, and a mascot handing out balloons- this is literally the night of my dreams.
I need a secretary to manage my drinking schedule.
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we're havin a 400 loko party for joe pa's 400th win. come get loko
You can duct tape yourself to me so we dont lose you and you dont have to celebrate your birthday alone
If I ever mention marriage force me to Brazil to do coke and strippers until I die.
Teasing with taco bell is not funny. High or sober.
Check having sex on the rocks and dirt on the peak of saddleback mountain off my list.
I felt like a god.
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I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
My motherfucking vibrator ran out of batteries right when I was about to orgasm. It's like he's possessed everything sexual in my life and has compelled it to NOT SATISFY ME.
When that wave blew your top off I heard someone yell "SPANK BANK"
As a former fat girl, that's probably the best compliment I've ever received ever!
My wife climbed on top of me, fucked my brains out, and gave me money from the ATM. I'm living the dream.
You just kept screaming "COME GET ME OFFICER, MY ALLIGATOR MEANS BUSINESS" while swinging a beanie baby alligator at him.
i need some magic done to my vagina