Have you ever slowed down next to the oldest people on the highway while getting road head just to see their extended reaction?
dude. how can brian from family drink at fucking bars? he's a dog and definitaly doesn't have pockets.
Def walking back to my apt with a blender, an empty vodka bottle, and a half eAtn drumstick cone.
Cops came. Forced us to take the "Honk and We'll Drink" and the "Free Shots to Father's of Freshman Daughters" signs down. Before we did, someone honked and the cop said, "Aren't you gonna drink?" They then told us to move the party inside by ten.
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Life for us students isn't all fun and drunken lesbian affairs you know
I heard him crying and I heard him listening to porn... I'm hoping to God they weren't at the same time.
I found him stumbling up to our building with a solo cup under his arm. . . He told me it was his favourite thing ever. He also told me hes never been drunk before.
Welcome to the south, dude. Gives the phrase "I wish you a dry ass" a new perspective.
His dick looks just like him, taller than average, thick, and somehow always angry.
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Got super judged by this lady at the Rolling Stones concert last night. Bitch don't look so salty at my dad and I splitting two joints, an edible, and two margaritas. It's the stones.
Who the fuck cries when they're stoned?!
Sorry man I just really wanted a McChicken
His pillow talk sucks. It was like Mr. Roger's vagina.
I’m honestly just flattered that you think I could make PornHub’s Top 10.
we live vicariously through your huge boobs
i was watching the elves fighting on my knees while waiting for the shrooms to kick in then i realized
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