i know we just met, but i forget your name, and i'm wondering why my penis burns?
You flung your panties at that guy you liked with an accuracy that I have never seen before.
Yep. About to get on pornhub to spill some Christmas cheer
considering how much of last night I don't remember and the amount of ones laying on my desk right now, it's safe to say I'm concerned
I'm still not walking right. We need some boundaries for "drink-or-dare"...
I jerked him off and then punched him in the face for no reason. Typical evening drinking Sailor Jerry's.
Eating this pizza pocket is like eating out god
If youre wondering about the smell, i set your hamster on fire. But don't worry he's ok
holy fuck man...it feels like I got beat the fuck out of by death's baseball bat...chimichangas?
He puked over my shoulder into the toilet. The guy in the next stall sounded totally appalled.
Dude I'm about to just roll over and piss off the side of my bed, rather than make the conscious effort to get up and walk to the bathroom. One of those hangovers.
Apparently we don't communicate very well unless we're drunk and/or naked
Just puked most of my soul out..
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
The abomination is in progress. At least one barista side eyed me and the other has fear in her eyes
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