so pretty much your parents know your seeing a girl on the side, let her come over and just dont say anything to your girlfriend?
Could you imagine if a Skynet machine combination of Bob Ross and Chuck Norris were built? It would rule the universe with a soft spoken fan brush of kung fu dominance
It would be truly incredible. I hope we are blessed with this being in our lifetime.
Turns out he's not gay. He just didn't know how else to say he's not into me. He just hit on my sister.
I'm not high anymore, I decide when it's done.
I'm not ready for the Pike bikes to move back in to town it was wonderful seeing that sorority house empty all summer
... I'm KD
Dude I just figured out the mystery flavor of airhead is vodka sprite, no way i'm wrong
Peed on my phone. Dried it out in oven. Technology is both a plus and a minus.
Either I'm spending too much time drinking or my perfume is starting to smell like a pineapple vodka.
As the guy I'm having sex with on the side I shouldn't ask you how to dump my boyfriend. But you are the most emotionally detached person I know.
There's a Russian guy here. In the bar. Drinking vodka. Wearing a trench coat and a hat and a mustache. Idk where the confusion is.
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
You know you're fucked up when you decide to pour fireball whiskey in your vegetable beef soup
Dude you better come get your girl, she's sitting here eating a tub of pasta salad muttering to herself about gypsies.
She drunkenly texted me about Japanese mythology at four AM. I think I’m in love.
He was passed out, face in the toilet, so I just pissed on his head. Serves him right
Randomize
